The past 1.5 years I splurged on blouses, bags, jewelry. But wait splurge is relative. Splurge for me meant buying 4 pieces of jewelry that I hadn’t done in decades. With son no longer in school I felt entitled to spend on myself. The bags – why did they look like I had to have them? The blouses – why where they so pretty?
Then Feb 2015 marked a few developments that required my presence – the death of a good friend’s brother which meant two nights of wakes and a funeral that necessitated my having to sit for prolonged periods. It was my birth month too so Broke bread with family and these required long hours of sitting. March or April saw the death of the dad of my son’s friend and that meant sitting through a wake and a funeral mass. By then I had developed new pressure sores and rashes that behooved me to miss condoling with two siblings whose mom passed away. End May saw me with a heat rash and pressure sores that weren’t healing. July saw me diagnosed with psoriasis. All these opened my consciousness to my mortality vis-a-vis the seeming materialism I had allowed into my life, although again relative to some, my indulgences could have been the norm.
Regardless, I now am not too easily drawn to buying stuff for myself because who knows? Well, except for coloring paraphernalia that allow me to de-stress, sores, rashes, and all. Come to think of it, end 2014 or thereabouts I had already drawn up a list of what not to buy for myself – new bags, jewelry, etc. but I deleted that list when once I broke the promise. What did I buy then? I remember not.
Changed – have I really?